Dear Tatum

Dear Tatum,

Today is your birthday. You are one whole year old. I can't believe it. Time seems to have flown by, so much faster than it did with your brother.

You've been through so much in this first year of life, it doesn't quite seem fair. To be honest I'm glad that you won't remember this first year, I'll remember for the both of us. I've learned so much by being your mommy, and I have a feeling there is so much more to learn from you.

Your start in life was a rough one, but I know that you are stronger because of it. You have a fighting spirit and a spunk that amazes me. You have overcome, and yet still maintained your sweet nature. That is a lesson I have yet to learn. There is something about leaving the hospital without your baby that changes you, and I'm not sure that it changed me for the better, yet. But you, my sweetheart, you are strong. You are a fighter. I pray that you keep that with you your entire life. There will be plenty of times that you will need it.

You are so loved. You have so many around you that love you, and care about you. You were lucky enough to have 5 cousins born within 5 months of you. Cherish that. Your brother adores you. I see the two of you and it makes me smile. You are his shadow, and he doesn't seem to mind one bit (usually). He is definitely protective of his little sister.

You are making incredible progress these days. You are getting much better about taking your inhalers. Most days you don't even cry. You are gaining weight and doing wonderfully when it comes to your physical milestones. You are just starting to walk. I think your personal record is about 10 steps. You are getting into everything. At least once a day I have to put all of the movies from the bottom two shelves back where they belong. When I tell you "no", you just look at me, shake your head, and give me that smile that I'm afraid will get you out of just about anything. You are a serious climber. Your favorite place to climb is into your brother's bed.

You are the sweet spot in our family. You bring a joy to our hearts that I could never adequately describe.
We love you, sweetheart.
Happy birthday, little one.

Be Brave, Be Safe

I try my hardest not to be THAT mom.

THAT mom helicoptering over her child at the park.

I'm getting much better at it. When William was younger, he wanted to climb on everything. Every time we were at the park, my anxiety would shoot through the roof. In my mind I saw every way that he would get hurt. 

These days there are times where I will even sit back on the benches. (They MUST be there for something, right?)

Since the day that boy was born, no far before that, I've thought about how to raise him. How to not screw him up is probably more accurate. I have had plenty of opportunities to do so in his short three years. 

One of those moments happened this morning.

Will likes to help me put the dishes away from the dishwasher. His favorite part is sorting the utensils. 

He was getting in his little fork-sorting groove when he picks up a steak knife. He knows that these are sharp, and he is usually not allowed to touch them. 

He instantly realizes what's wrong and looks at me with that panicked, "help mom" look, that a child perfects. 

Now you should know that William is an incredibly sensitive little boy. He picks up on others' feelings, and will take everything personally. So when he looks at me, scared, and worried he's doing something wrong, I know this was a delicate moment. 

"Mommy, I got a sharp knife!"

"Yes, you do"

"What do I do?"

"You need to be brave, and you need to be careful."

So he hands me the knife, carefully, by the handle, with confidence.

I sat there for a little bit, and I knew that this was one of those lessons I want him to learn, one that I hope he has many chances to learn. 

So William, (and Tatum) if you ever get a chance to read this, I want you to know:

Be careful. Think things through. Make good decisions. 

Be brave.